What to do when You feel Attacked [VIDEO INSIDE]
Photo Wendy Yalom
How many times have you been confronted by someone in your life (family, partner, friend, associate, etc.) with their assessment of what you are doing wrong in the relationship?
How your behavior (or lack thereof) is hurting them, or not giving them access to what they want to have access to?
What happens when people come at you with the weight of their unmet expectations?
For most of us, our kneejerk is defensiveness, or even deflection.
We reflexively fight fire with fire.
And when we drop into our bodies, we can feel that fire as anger.
And anger is not a pleasant sensation for the body to hold.
I talk about my recent personal experience of this in the video below.
Because it happened to me several times in rapid succession over the span of several weeks.
And in the midst of it all, I got tired of holding that uncomfortable feeling in my body AND I got curious about what was driving it in the people who were bringing it to me.
First, I had to get myself calm.
Which looked like bringing it into meditation and breathing with it.
I often find that breathing with the situations I am dealing with open them up in ways that allow the deeper questions to emerge.
In this case: what are they *really* saying they need from me? And what am I looking for in return?
As it is with almost all conflict, what drives us is usually the same.
We all just want to feel safe, loved and like we belong somewhere.
And when you can look at it from that angle, you manage to find yourself opening the door for compassion.
If you can feel the person next to you simply looking for validation and love, and you can recognize that same need within yourself, it becomes a lot less threatening and a lot easier to dialogue with.
And then you can ask yourself: why do they feel this way, and what do they need to feel differently?
Which then allows you to soften, and look for creative ways to help everyone - including yourself - feel more seen and more loved.
In my case, I asked people if they wanted to go on a walk, and we talked about our lives, and our hopes, dreams and fears.
They shared, and so did I.
We all felt met and held, and the conversation that seemed so charged and challenging seemed to dissolve into the ethers.
Sometimes things happen over and over again all at once to illuminate the deeper lesson, and I’m glad this happened the way it did.
Because it reminded me that there is usually a thru-line in conflict, which is simply everyone just wanting to be seen and heard, and to feel safe and loved.
And the most beautiful part - and use of the tools I teach you in Relationships: The Master Class - is that it is in our power to make that happen, and when we do, we are reminded that feeling loved and making others feel loved feels A LOT better than being right.
Because here’s the thing: even when our initial feeling is one thing, that doesn’t mean we can’t learn to see it from another perspective.
One that feels good, even in the face of disagreement, disappointment and conflict.
We can learn the tools to navigate all of our relationships from a center that supports ourselves, as well as the people around us.
And those tools will be what makes the difference between surviving and thriving…because once we figure out how to do it in one dynamic, we can apply it to all of them, even the more challenging ones.
Because here’s the thing:
The secret to having good relationships is YOU.
How you show up for yourself AND how you show up for your people.
And the stories you tell yourself about your dynamics and connection.
Because let’s face it: relationships can be hard.
But they don’t have to be.
And that’s why I created:
Relationships: The Master ClassIn it, I give you the tools you need to not only connect with the relationships in your life, but do what it takes to make them incredible.
A healthy relationship can be the most powerful container for growth and healing that you will ever have.
But you have to consciously show up for it.
Relationships: The Master Class is a seven module course that teaches you how to create masterful relationships in every facet of your life.
Here's How It Works:
Every week, for six weeks, you will receive a new pre-recorded module in your portal.
Modules are:
How To Show Up For The Relationships You Want (open NOW)
How To Be Courageous In Your Relationships (opens a week later)
How To Stay True To You In Relationships (opens a week later)
How To Resolve Conflict In Your Relationships (opens a week later)
How To Love Yourself (opens a week later)
How To Love Your Body (opens a week later)
In November 2022, the seventh module "Surviving Family & Holidays" will be recorded LIVE. After it is edited, it will be added to your portal.
Each module includes a lecture, class notes, a guided reiki bath and homework to work on until the next module is released.
A very special relationship meditation practice is given to you at the start of the course to help you integrate what you learn throughout the course.
You will have access to the Master Class for one year from the date of your purchase.